Insecurity

People just don't care enough

not as much as I do.



what if I told you your tears haven't been ignored

Somedays

It's hard when you realize
what you're waiting for
is never going to happen,

and that
you're going to have to accept
the hand you've been dealt.


waiting on the world to change

get with it

get personal
get crazy
get high
get drunk
get scared
get laid
get close
get up
get down


when everything is going well, its scary
because you're just waiting for something to go wrong

show me passion

tell me something i don't know
show me what i've never seen
give me something to remember

forget the conventions
colour outside the lines
make it real, make it count

let go of your fear
close your eyes
let's do it differently


when there's nothing left to burn

The truth is,

I don't know what I'm doing,
not anymore than you do.

I can't tell you what to do, or give advice.

I don't know who to be, what to say, or what to wear;
All I know
is how to be me.

And that's what I'm doing,
starting now.


and you couldn't tell the difference, between me and you

what else do you want to talk about

I always thought grown ups had more interesting conversations;

like I wasn't worthy - but that I would have them someday too, and then I could be worthy.
Conversation was supposed to be more interesting and complicated, something I could never understand while I was younger.

Yet, I've come to realize that conversation isn't better or stronger, we just talk about different things

and a lot of the same things too. We just have more inside jokes. In fact, that's not even true.
We just have more perverse inside jokes. We see more. As in the perverse side of things, or the irony.

Maybe we become more aware, and we don't even know it.
And maybe I'm a little bit disappointed, because I had higher expectations.

But some people just don't grow up.

We're only human

Give, take,
Give, take,
but mostly take.

We can commit so much wrong,
hurt so deeply.

At times, it seems there is more bad than good;
when do the ends justify the means?

The only self-destructive creatures on the planet,
and what
is our excuse?

that we're only human?


are we human, or are we dancers..

No regrets

"I guess I never really thought about what happened when I wasn't there. Their lives kept going and I just never realized it. Not like their lives revolved around me or anything, but I just never thought about it. Now I look at them, and they've become their own family, without me."


You can never outshine what you've left behind

be creative

Sometimes you find yourself trying to make everything in your life beautiful,
and then you see what you're hiding from.

the pursuit of greatness

Seize every moment
while you can
before it's too late.

We expend our potential
so quickly;
but never believe there is no hope.

For this might be
the trial run,
before the great escape.

And even if it isn't,
at least you'll know you tried.


You were once young and foolish, now you're old and stupid.

Blur & contrast

Real anger, real frustration
Questions you're unable to ask

He asked me if I wanted him to leave.

You taught me compassion,
You taught me independence,
You showed me respect and morals.
I know you're right when I'm wrong.

As much as it can get overbearing,
As much as I wish things were different at times,
As much as the anger is there
time and timee e
againn n n nn
n nn n n
nn,

it's hard to stay mad,
when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and
it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.
And then I remember to relax, and stop
trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain
and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment
of my
stupid
little life.

I don't know what I'd do.



It's easier to walk in the rain, because nobody knows you're crying.

Le scaphandre et le papillon

When I sometimes worry you're all that I've got,
When I'm sure you're the only one who cares,
Remembering that I'm fully alive, with all my senses in tact,

I wonder how I can be so selfish
and be consumed by such self-pity
when my condition could be so much worse.

I remember all that I have,
in my will, to take advantage of
and I am ever so grateful to be alive and to have so much
when some have so little.

We are so fortunate, and
it seems like all we need
is something to complain about.

Maybe it is us who are blind or deaf
to the calling of life.

Forgive me, for I have been presented with life
and forgotten to love.
I have taken for granted,
when there is so much more to live for.


thank you

Be functionally dysfunctional

I find it weird when people tell me how normal their families are.

You don't know what you got 'til it's gone

I thought I was doing the right thing,
but no one feels better.
No good came out of it, and I can't think of the logic
Why can't life be like math? With simple equations and simple straightforward answers.
Why can't I solve my problems like a calculator?

I can't figure out my list of priorities
but does listening to your heart give you what you really want?
What if I don't know what I want. What if I regret my choices.

This obviously wasn't meant to happen, but is there any going back?
I made this mess on my own, I have to suffer the consequences.
But why can't I see the point anymore? There's nothing anymore.
Nothing else feels right.


I love you.
And I'm crying again

Falling into the unknown

I'm scared.
I'm scared to do it.
I'm scared to say it.
I'm scared I'll want to take it back,
that I'll realize I didn't mean it and that I'll have messed up again.
I'm scared I don't know and that I'll never know.

Pray for the answers.

There's nothing scarier than getting what you want,
because then you have something to lose.

Coeur dans l'ascenceur

Exhale;
Your heart sinks into your stomach.
Avoid eye contact;
yet you can't look away.
It's too much for your lungs,
How could you do this to me?
Your throat tightens.
Try to inhale;
only to choke on the lump
Now's not the time.
that swells while everything slips away.
Your heart pulsates under your skin.
Why does it matter?
You're falling, everything's going numb.
Not again.
It won't change,
Look into the distance.
Promise not to cry anymore.


It hurts.

Still.

Watching people

He said that the only reason we're more advanced is that we see patterns.
But what if we're always seeing patterns?
What if that's all you're looking for?
Is it wrong to look for meaning in everything?

Someone else said that there's no point in trying to decipher the meaning of everything because that will take the fun out of it.
I don't want to be too serious.
I just can't help but psychoanalyze. A lot.

That's not judging people, if its kept under control, right.
Draw conclusions from experience, not from first glance.
Why is it so much easier to evaluate someone else?
When does the time come for our self-inventory?

If only we could see ourselves from the outside,
for who we really are.